Some days I feel like quitting. Some days. Most days. Every day. Seriously, I do.

I can’t always tell you why. My hands are full. Overflowing. Sometimes that feels rich. Other times, it just feels like a heavy load.

Where does one draw the line between ambition  and commitment? Is it about achieving and accomplishing, or doing and being and simply trying your best? How do you even know if it is your best? Oh, you know. Your heart knows. Listen. Sometimes that’s the hardest part.

It’s hard. You’ve heard that before. I think you often will. I’ll share the details some day in the book when I finally have time to sit down and type on a keyboard again. Remember, I just got this phone, and signed back into social media, right before this trip began. Part of the learning curve.

Fifty days on the road and just a few miles shy of the state line. I’m tired. I’m filthy and got more than my fair share if cuts on my hands and mosquito bites wherever my flesh has been exposed. I feel beat up. Discouraged. I don’t know if I can go on but the thought of quitting seems even harder to handle so I go another day.  And another.  And another.  Fifty days to date and I’m still in this big state of California, and though I’m impressed with the secret stash of this state which is Modoc County, I need to be moving on.

Or not. I could be home. With my husband. My dogs and cats. Working together. Tending the farm and ranch and hearth and home. I could be warm and dry and comfortable. Eating from my garden. Sleeping in our bed and bathing in our river. But I’m not.  I’m here. And here is different every day. Different place to camp, different route to ride, different people to wave to, and different challenges to work through.

So here I am. Different every day. The only constant is knowing it is unknown. All of it. Everything. I am learning to live with that. At least,  I am trying.

And sometimes I think it’s too much.  More than I can do.  More than my horses can handle. More than my husband would like as i swear his hair has turned more gray with every day I’m out here.

But then I ask myself how quitting would feel. For me.  For him. Even for the horses that after four years of standing around finally get out there again.

Maybe it’s ego but I don’t think it is. I think it’s commitment.  Determination.  Curiosity.  Grit. Yeah, definitely a good dose of grit. And honor.  I said I would try.  I am still trying.  That’s the best I can do.

Sometimes I think it’s harder leaving so much behind. Other times its easier somehow because I have him.  My rock. The cliff from which I leap and he tells me, yes you can but if you don’t I will catch you and let you try again. But sometimes a woman needs to leap and weave her own net, and catch herself. Why can’t I?

Until next time… I’ll be walking into Oregon, trying to learn to weave.

#alongquietride #slowtravel #wildride #horseadventure #love