Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway.

John Wayne

Maybe it’s over used,  but it is fitting. I was scared to get back out there. The one thing I could always count on, my health, was not rock solid. In fact, it was more like mush. And it isn’t bounding back like I expected it to. I guess it takes more than a few days to get meat back on one’s bones. I need a whole season to recover, not just a few days (though I am deeply grateful for all the care and trying I have been blessed with along the way).

The horses ease my fears. All I need to do is step in the saddle. Crow is ready to move onward, ever onward, before I settle in. Bayjura falls in line, easily, you don’t have to ask her twice. Willing partners. I count my blessings again. I feel rich. After nearly a hundred mornings of unknown, the confidence they are filled with now knowing they can handle the unknown reminds me I can too. I owe it to them now too. Finish what you started. But finish soon. Crow too is tired. Willing, and able, but tired. He must long for this winter too. Back on his haven of his home. With Canela. I get that. And he will get that. Soon.

So there we were. Scared and saddling up anyway. In Utah. Facing the challenges of crossing this state, staying off highway and the bigger obstacle yet: private property.  Big swaths of it. Way bigger than the little spots of public land that don’t come close to connecting nor creating any way to ride thru. Really. Someone owns ALL of this?  Why? All this unused land just to own. And apparently keep others off. The fantasy of the Wild West, Yellowstone and the true pioneer is long gone. Sadly. Not forgotten. Some of us still long, still dream, still search. But we are 150 years too late. It’s private, fenced, locked, gated, posted and guarded now.

But it’s all good if you’re horseback and can ride around barriers, and if you don’t know how to read a map and figure out that you are where you aren’t supposed to be.  At least for a while.  But I’ll save the rest of that story for the book, trusting I take the time to write about all this when this journey is done.

So here I am today. Evanston, Wyoming. Another story. Another state. Another sunrise. New roads and trails and new adventures. The state with wide open spaces (public or private, I have yet to learn) and this country’s greatest license plates. And we’re ready to ride again. Or maybe it’s more like: ready or not, here we go. Fear is part of the picture.

But everything’s different now. Better. I have Bob.

Yeah, I know. I can hear all the sighs of relief. And believe me. I feel it. God do I feel it.

Listen. None of this has been what I expected. It’s never been that long trail ride I was imagining and heard the tales of others who have taken long rides, well planned and plotted and prepared…simply sitting in the saddle riding off into the sunset, or maybe sun rise, as in this case I’ve been riding east. It ain’t been any idyllic trip merrily riding along, following the signs and going where the guide book tells you. Maybe I should have done that sort of thing. If I followed the beaten path, it sure would have been easier. But you know, I never said “easy” means “good.” And this has not been easy. But it has been good. In fact, it’s been epic. I’ll take epic over easy this time. Though once it’s enough for me.

So where do we go from here?

Well, as usual, I’ll wing it. Only now I’ll be with Bob.

Yeah, but what about THE DESTINATION?The plan, at least the more or less guiding force that has been driving me, was just to get to Colorado. We’re close. So close I can almost smell it.

Heading now into the last leg of this journey. It’s going to be different. Easier. And not alone. Well, the horses and I may be riding alone. But end of the day, Bob will be there. With good food and water for the horses, no matter where we are.  And a warm dry camp for me. And love. Always love. Though I’ve had that with me all along. The stress, both physical and mental, that this dissolves, is without words.

And so it is that with a heavy exhale, deep and strong, I’ll step back in the saddle. Finish what I started. And move onward with my team.

Adelante… onto the final push.