Crossroads are not always filled with drama and trauma. Sometimes we just keep going.  Keep walking or riding or rolling along. Questions and challenges and all.  Then we find ourselves somewhere, we have never been before. Maybe even someone. 

Back on the road, with a lighter load. Ditched the tent, sleeping pad, camp kitchen and change of clothes. Sleep under a tarp and go barefoot at camp and be grateful that Levi’s and flannel shirts hide the dirt that this life entails. Still there seems like so much. Water pails for them. Dehydrated meals for me. My slicker and their picket ropes. A hatchet, my journal, toothbrush and solar chargers which don’t seem to keep my phone fully charged. Crow carries it all, and me too. Canela is going along for the ride. She’s healing well. Swelling and weeping are almost done. Now just a skin wound that needs to heal. Out here on the trail, in fresh air and green grass and spring water. Healing happens, for the body and the soul. She lays down. Everyday. This mare sleeps better than any horse I’ve ever known. Dreams like a dog and knickers while fast asleep. This is how she heals, from the inside out.

It’s not been ideal. All the packing, prepping and preparing. All the gear I though I’d need to safely and soundly get is through. Most of it gone. You do what you gotta do. We’re getting it done. Just a day and a mile at a time.

And the most important thing we are doing is staying together as a team. Caring for one another best we can. Being connected and collected, clear and kind, strong and sensible. At least most of the time. Because of course I break down into tears from time to time. But tear cdry as clouds part and you wipe off the dust with an already dirty hand and move on.

It was tempting to let Canela go. Move on without her. Replace her.

Ha! I almost did. And glad I did not. Slow as we have become. For she is irreplaceable. Remember, she was the reason I felt I could do this trip. Could I really just get rid of her, get a new mule, and move on? Maybe. But why? If I lose this team, I lose the trip. From the get go, it was about being with them, out there,  opening and experiencing together.  Not about accomplishing a goal or getting somewhere, some pin point place on a map, or bragging rights to boast about. Not at all. Rather, it is about all that time and space on between. Experiencing. Living. Together. They were the reason I chose to take this trip. Am I out here to get somewhere, accomplish something in spite of my horses and my soul? Prove something to someone? Or am I out her to be with them, and to be, present with all the challenges that every day brings?

Being here now. It’s easy when here and now are so much and so new. How beautiful this world is. The varied terrain, from sage brush and lava rocks to tall timber and logging roads. Thigh high grass and gushing springs.  Super bloom flowers filling the air with the intoxication of honey sweet scent. How beautiful people are too. Really. Did you ever think I’d write that?

Some days I find myself and the horses in such a sweet spot that it is tempting to stay. But if I wanted to stay somewhere, I still haven’t found any place nearly as nice as my home. And that’s not what this trip is about. So what is it about? That, my friend, I’m still learning. May I always be humble and open enough to do so.

What is it about, at least so far?
Letting go. Peeling down to the core. Finding the essence of what it’s about, what matters most, and what can be left behind. Like ego and a false sense of separation.
In a way I set out to prove myself worth, prove my independence. Funny thing is, so far I find myself more dependant than I ever have been.
I thought about spending the summer at a monastery. I chose this instead. I suppose I too am a monk of sorts and look, my alms bowl is full. Not with any answers. Just questions. So many questions. And an openness to listen, to learn.
Humbling.
Maybe that’s the point. Get humble. Learn to know the need for others. Accept interdependence.

Maybe that answer is out there. Maybe it is inside. And maybe being out there will help me find what I’ve been looking for.
Here I am trying to find my point and purpose, my place in this world. What I can do to contribute…and yet here I am needing, taking more from others than I ever imagined I would.
I’ve said this to you before. I say it to myself every day. People have been without fail the greatest gift and lesson on this journey.

Maybe we need to break down before we can be rebuilt or reborn.
I can endure the hardship, the challenges, the daily metamorphosis and discomfort, the flaming hoops, bears, bugs, bulls, great and rain and all… the crushing of ego but not spirit… if you can endure being with me, even if from afar. If you can endure helping me and know I will somehow help you too.

#ALongQuietRide #horseadventure #spiritualjourney #slowtravel